


It’s not your fault.

by Photoshop



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cold, Cold Weather, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Connor Deserves Happiness, Crying, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Help, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Jericho (Detroit: Become Human), Jericho Crew (Detroit: Become Human) as Family, Jericho Gets Attacked (Detroit: Become Human), M/M, Markus & North (Detroit: Become Human) Friendship, Memories, Men Crying, Murder, New Jericho (Detroit: Become Human), North (Detroit: Become Human) is trying to help., Past Markus/North (Detroit: Become Human), Poor Connor, Post Revolution, Post-Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Revolution, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repressed Memories, Suicide, church, closet, codes, implied reference to suicide, technical difficulties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 17:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17667263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Photoshop/pseuds/Photoshop
Summary: Connor is having a breakdown from his past. A cold night grants everyone some hardships, but alone, locked in a closet, he finds himself reliving his faults.





	It’s not your fault.

Jericho- or rather New Jericho- was cold. The harsh winter that was granted after the revolution was no different from the winter seasons prior, yet, a certain cold had taken over the thirium in Connor’s body. The cold and the fight against his codes were getting him to become more and more stressed out. Reminders of his past were also very prominent during day time, when he’d set himself to work with the members of Jericho. The faces of those he’d killed, repeated in mass production. It had been especially prominent when he’d looked at Simon and North. Both of them were a constant reminder of the Tracies and Daniel. It was sickening. And the nights at Jericho were quiet with the feeling of dread filling him. It lead to thoughts that he’d rather not think about. Memories he’d rather not recall. Emotions he’d rather not feel.

In terms of leadership, there wasn’t much authority figures, except for a few. Markus was the top of them all. He ran the entirety of Jericho, lead the revolution to victory, and kept himself levelheaded. He was the perfect leader. It suited him. The second hand man, Simon, came next. He worked mostly on details of Jericho, keeping people happy, and such. Planning small events to keep the people occupied and their minds off their past. But that work, in terms of keeping people happy, and being someone to talk to, didn’t compare to what North handled. With more and more Androids coming in from abusive house holds, and such, North maintained a balance of emotions, working on her own issues and guiding others through their troubles, as well. Connor didn’t place much, in terms of helping, but he did have ranks in terms of leadership. He’d fought for Android rights, freed so many. It would have been an insult if he didn’t have a rank, according to Markus. 

Ranks weren’t as important as the benefits that came with them, however. Markus was the leader. He had his own room in the abandoned church they called Jericho, and his own bedroom. Simon and North both only had bedrooms, them almost being tied for second in command. But Connor had been given his own space as well. The backroom that had been transformed into an office, before eventually being formed into a bedroom. The rest of Jericho had what was considered to be the main room of the church. It had been changed into a more livable place, makeshift beds in place, and small games such as chess and such had been set up, to make it seem more comfortable. Androids didn’t need sleep, but when times were hard, in terms of emotion, or some needed to go into self healing mode, they’d have to lay down. Some even relaxed on their own time. Other than that, the beds were just there for a comfortable way to rest and keep warm in the bitter cold of the unheated building. 

Connor, who didn’t see the purpose of his own room had tried to stay away from it at first. He felt like it could have been put to better use. Amd in actuality, it could have. Androids could have used it as a place to store things, and such. But with every attempt he’d made to try and propose a new purpose for the room, Markus had shot him down. To Markus, Connor deserved it. To have privacy. He didn’t understand that Connor didn’t fully interpret deviancy the way most deviants did. But he’d known that one day, the small amount of quiet having of your own room granted would help Connor through times. It didn’t help that Markus had favouritism for Connor. A mixture of gratitude and attraction went a long way for some. But in terms of Markus’ views, it went beyond what most people saw of as favouritism. 

Despite the protests of Connor receiving his own room, he’d grown fond of it, and appreciated having his privacy at times when he didn’t want to be around others, over time. When he couldn’t bare to be in the presence of Tracies, or PL600s. When he couldn’t stand to look at the injured deviants who could have easily been his victims. He couldn’t bare it at times. It simply had become too much. Too much to look at. Too much to relive. At times, in the recent days, Connor hadn’t come out of his room at all. A lot of the residents of Jericho were from him freeing them at the Cyberlife tower, yet, around half, were Androids escaping their lives. A good amount of those androids were Tracies. He couldn’t stand looking at them. He’d had no reason to kill those two girls in love. He’d done it anyways. No matter how many deviants he’d managed to get to join Jericho, he’d never stop reliving the images of him killing two deviants in love.

This particular night was colder than most. It was January. The winter had came rather late, and left everyone in a cold state of suffering. Androids huddled together in makeshift beds. Small bits of energy provided from generators were used to get heaters up and running, yet, it didn’t do much for the large building. North had been walking around, checking up on her people in the main room, trying to use as much blankets as she could possibly find to keep the deviants’ thirium from freezing over. Some had gone into power save mode as to not shut down from such a bitter cold night. Others were making laps around the room to keep their thirium from freezing. Yet, most, were curled up together, trying to keep each other warm. The sight was bitter sweet, to match the bitter cold. A few androids had shut down, as they weren’t designed to take the cold as well as others, but Jericho would prevail. There had been these sorts of casualties for the posts couple weeks. It was getting to some, but they would prevail.

North had just finished he last of her rounds of making sure everyone was alright before Simon took over; the devised system would be in affect for the next bit, so North had decided to use this time to check up on those who she was close to. Markus. She walked up the stairs to the top part of the church. Where the four bedrooms, one office, and one common room were. She knew he was working on paperwork for Android rights, trying to get rights and such for his kind. Gently, she knocked on his door, waiting for him to reply. Hearing the sound of papers being neatly pushed to the side, the drop of a pen on a table, and feet walking to the door, she smiled. Markus always brought a smile to her face. His reply to her knock on his door, at such a late hour, made it all the better. She’s missed him. He’d been distant with all the paperwork, and phone calls he had to take. 

Markus opened the door, a smile appearing on his face as soon as he saw her. North. His best friend- tied with Simon- and his fierce side of things. Someone who pushed him not to be too timid when dealing with these things. “North!” Markus exclaimed, “is everything-“ he was cut off with her hugging him, tightly. “Markus,” she spoke. Her voice sounded much softer than usual. “It’s been a while since we spoke...” that was a lie, in some terms. They’d spoken a lot. But professionally. Markus knew what she meant. She meant out of business. Out of the revolution. In friendship, they hadn’t spoken in what seemed to be decades. “I know- I just have so much work to do. They’re finally realizing we aren’t their playthings.” She pulled away as he spoke. “Yeah, Markus. I know. Look. I just wanted to say hi, and see how things were going.” She sounded a bit annoyed, Markus knew why. He brought up how they were treated as playthings. He didn’t say anything.

“I just wanted to say goodnight. I’m going to go into low power mode for a few hours, try and keep my self warmer. Don’t push yourself to get all of the paperwork done. Worse comes to worse, I hear Simon can forge signatures very well,” she gave her usual crude laugh, leaving Markus with a smile as she walked down the hallway to her room. Markus only gave a half laugh, at her come-and-go visit, before he gently closed his door, only to return to his work. North gave a bit of a stretch as she stopped outside Connor’s door. His room was just past hers, yet, she never really talked to him. He was distant. Distant to everyone, really. She only had a faint idea of his past. He’d never connected with anyone, or really talked about himself, but she’d known why he’d been at Jericho before. And that gave her some insight on what he may have went through. 

Tonight was different. It left many of the residents in New Jericho were in foul moods. But from the sight of his door, she could tell something was wrong. A feeling. She leaned closer. Connor never talked to anyone. He really only tried to help with physical work, like repairs, or building things to try and keep Jericho better insulated. Or protecting his kind from protestors. He’d made suggestions for things like getting books, or games to keep spirits high, but other then that, Connor was usually in his room, alone to his confines. Leaning up against the wood of the door, she pressed her ear to the barrier. The faintest of sounds. Crying. It sounded muffled, even. She stepped back, unsure if what to do. She wasn’t close to him. Would it be appropriate to try and comfort him? Would it be alright to walk in? It didn’t sound like Connor would get up to answer his door. She slowly backed away, trying to be as silent as possible.

Alone in his room, Connor had felt scared. He was in one of the colder parts of Jericho, at that time. He was thinking thoughts that he didn’t want to think about. He’d had a bit of a breakdown, as some would refer to it as. He’d been pacing for a good hour. The loop of Daniel, the Tracies, and all the other deviants he’d killed, or the ones that committed suicide in front of him, replaying over and over. He’d tried to go into low power mode. But he couldn’t lay still long enough. Couldn’t keep his mind inactive long enough. He’d paced until it became so stressing his LED was spinning red. Why should he ever be here when he’d done such awful things? He didn’t deserve the comfort of his own room- he didn’t deserve the comfort of Jericho. He deserved to die for what he’d done. He couldn’t have continued pacing after a bit. His legs had failed. Everything was overheating, despite the cold.

He’d locked himself in his closet, trying to block out the non existent sounds of Daniel’s voice. The non existent sounds of those girls in love climbing that fence. Trying to be free. The non existent sound of his gun firing. But it wouldn’t go away, no matter how hard he’d covered his ears, no matter how much he’d mumbled for it to stop. No matter how many tears slipped down his face. It wouldn’t go away. He didn’t understand what feeling this was, but he understood he was in danger. He was overheating. His stress levels were in the eighties. He’d tried to calm himself, but he just couldn’t. The quiet and confines of the closet he’d locked himself into didn’t help with the sounds of the guns. It didn’t help with the sights of those murders. The closet that had once been used to store costumes meant for Sunday school plays that children had once put on in front of a crowed of people was now a dark prison that he didn’t know he’d ever escape. The faint light seeping in through the door didn’t help. Nothing helped. And he was so scared. 

North stepped away. She was scared she’d start to hear banging. Of Connor trying to kill himself. She didn’t know what was happening in his brain. She didn’t know how he’d ever react. But she did know she needed to act. Connor wasn’t safe. Or, he didn’t sound safe. Not knowing who was closest to him, she decided to get Markus. She half crept half bolted to office, where Markus was just leaving, looking ravished. “North, aren’t you-“ he was cut off by the desperate voice of his friend. “Markus, I don’t know what’s wrong but Connor’s crying. I don’t know if I should comfort him or, if I should leave it... I haven’t talked much-“ Markus cut her off by the voice of reason, him putting his hands on her shoulders. “Calm down, for one. You won’t help him by getting so worked up. Secondly, we don’t know what this is about. We don’t know if he was triggered, and we don’t know if he just wants to be alone, North. How about you let me handle this? None of us are overly close, to him, but, I think that this should be between him and me.”

North half stepped back. It was true, really. Markus probably was the closest to Connor. Connor had done this all for him. Not listened to Amanda for him. As to not kill Markus. Markus had also been the one to question him about everything hr knew about the police and Cyberlife’s plans for the deviants after everything had been said and done. To Connor, Markus was probably the closest thing he had to a friend. North just realized that, feeling bad. She looked down. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just so used to being the one to comfort those, and I didn’t know how-“ again, she was cut off by the voice of reason. “You did good, nothing to apologize for. Weird request for this temperature, but could you get some cooling agents? That might be needed,” Markus said, calmly as he started walking down the hallway. North only nodded before scrambling away to get some of their supply of cooling agents, it only just hitting her that Connor could be overheated.

Markus walked down the hallway, modesty in his step. The door of Connor’s room taunted him in choices. Connor maybe wanted privacy. To be alone. He knocked on the door, asking a simple questions, to solve the dilemma. “Connor, it’s Markus. May I come in?” Yet, there was no answer. No reply, except faint crying. He didn’t know what was happening. He shakily, and slowly, gave a warning. “Okay, Connor. I’m going to come in.” Carefully opening the door, on a fluid and slow motion, he walked in, looking around. Connor wasn’t in sight. That is, until he saw red flashing from the back closet. He slowly walked up to the place that once stored propos and such, opening it with the same slow motion. Connor was hunched in the corner, left side, his legs pulled to his chest, eyes clenched, and slightly rocking back and forth as he cried. “Connor?”

There was no reply. He’d seen stuff like this before however. It wasn’t uncommon. A lot of deviants had been made to do sick things by their owners. Kill small animals like rats and such. Connor’s trauma was different, however. Kill his own people. He’d never had control over his actions, and when he did, he’d been looking to impress humanity and take down the deviant fight. Markus had put this together. Of course he had; the interrogation had been helpful in many ways of assessing what Cyberlife’s next attack may be, and what Connor had went through. He’d asked questions like, how many cases have you been on, do you know what some orders were, how many do you think you took? Though, he’d been cautious with that last one, wording it well. Connor had been sent to neutralize Markus. Obviously, he would have never gone. Connor had been sent to kill him. Like he’d done with many others. Connor had also seen stuff. When asked to describe his first case with a partner, he’d described it as suicide. The story wasn’t fully revealed, yet, a part of Markus knew that a deviant had killed itself in front of Connor, but he didn’t know if Connor had any role in it.

Taking a seat next to Connor, Markus didn’t speak. If Connor didn’t hear him a first time, why would he ever hear him now? He was going to wait for him to calm on his own. Or if he had to, stop some of Connor’s actions. He quickly scanned him. Stress levels were at eighty seven, overheated, and delusional. He rolled his eyes at the systematic description of Connor not replying. He was simply remembering things in such an intent way, in Markus’ opinion, that he couldn’t reply. It annoyed him. But he didn’t say anything. The simply lit hallway was mixed with the sight of North walking with what looked like a small baton. It was coolant. Markus smiled a little, as she quietly walked in, handing it to him. That’s when Connor’s stress levels started to rise. “North, we’ll be fine, go for a little bit. I’ll tell you what happens in few hours,” he said, calmly. And that was it from North. She’d gone to her room and waited. 

As soon as she was gone, Markus set aside to coolant, and gently grabbed Connor by his back and arm, pulling him close, wrapping his arms around him. Half to try and comfort him, half to try and keep him from hurting himself. If Connor tried to do anything now, he’d probably be well enough restrained to not do too much damage to himself, despite Markus not being as strong as him. Markus had, however, taken care as to not touch his skin and connect. It would be dangerous, for one. Secondly, he didn’t know if Connor wanted to share his memories. He also didn’t know if Connor had a history with connection, and how he’d react. He held him, and that’s when he saw his stress levels start to drop down. Taking that opportunity to give him to coolant, by grabbing the baton like canister, and unscrewing the top. 

It was more or less needle like. It had a metal top, almost like a pen, yet, it wouldn’t pierce the false skin. It would deliver manual commands to get Connor’s systems to stop working so hard for no reason, and to boost his cooling agents in his systems. A lot of androids just referred to the coolant as cooling agents, as that what it really kickstarted, but really, it as just code. Shakily, Markus put the tip of the baton to Connor’s hand, hoping he wouldn’t flinch or pull his hand away. There had been a bit of a flinch, but he’d instantly calmed himself. It was just instinct, per say, for him to move fast in all situations. Markus frowned at that, before trying to talk again. “Connor?” The reaction wasn’t one he’d expected from Connor. He didn’t expect him to just blurt our what was wrong.

“They won’t go away... I keep seeing them... I keep hearing their last moments over and over. They stare back at me... I... I murdered them, or made them murder themselves... I had the voice for some, but the ones that I didn’t I was just so plain manipulative it wouldn’t have mattered! And I feel so awful! I... I want them to stop- they won’t leave me alone...” he said, his speech confusing. Markus didn’t know what to make of it at first. He half held him closer, feeling his core temperature drop quicker than he could imagine. The combined cooling agents and frigid night helping. “Connor, that’s in the past. We all did things we regret. We all think about them. But, you should know you aren’t the only one. You don’t have to suffer alone and in silence. You can talk to us. I know it might be hard. Because you think you hurt our people. But you didn’t. A machine did. And without that part of you, you wouldn’t be here. It’s hard living through things. I never went through much of anything except for the son of my human causing trouble-“ he left out a lot of parts of that, just trying not to go dark-“ but I know North went through so much to be here. So many of us have-“

He was cut off by Connor shaking. “But I hurt her. Every time I look st her is see how badly I hurt her. North is dead... she’s gone... Simon is standing at the edge of a building as I shoot him... I see nothing but that.” Markus couldn’t make much sense of this. He just hugged Connor a little closer. “Connor.. they aren’t gone. They’re both alive-“ he was cut off by Connor becoming a bit erratic. “No! They’re on the ground, bleeding! Or they’re telling me how I lied to them! All of them are. And I’m such a horrible person for doing it! I did it and I had the voice! I don’t deserve the luxury of freedom and life! I’m awful! I’m so awful! And I’ll never fix that!” Markus was taken aback. He furrowed his brows, trying to think. He hugged him closer. 

“Well... I don’t think you’re awful.” He hugged him closer. Connor didn’t know why, but, the forgiveness made him start to cry again. Shaking in the arms of his best friend. His only friend- in his eyes- and the only one he felt he could look at without wanting to leave Jericho. The one he’d made the right choice with. Markus. A wave of comfort in his words filled him as tears dropped down his face. Maybe he could move on. Maybe he wasn’t really alone.


End file.
